


CDL.

by Ex-Genesis (SevlinRipley)



Category: Real Person Fiction
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-05
Updated: 2018-01-05
Packaged: 2019-02-28 14:53:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13273797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SevlinRipley/pseuds/Ex-Genesis
Summary: Nat and Sean knew each other for a long time before their feelings began eating them up.





	CDL.

**Author's Note:**

> (If either are married or in a serious relationship with someone, then this is an AU where they're not. I refuse to look it up though.)
> 
> Please note that the pacing and tenses are really off on this fic. I'm aware, but I am just not sure how to fix it. Just doing my daily writing. Sorry if it blows.

It took years for them to get here. Despite their music being about getting girls, they always happily made fun of themselves in their videos. Showing the world that they weren't _actually_ 'rock stars' and didn't _actually_ objectify women. All that much. While they'd pretty much always ended up alone, together, in their story boards... Sean and Nat didn't see life as imitating art. Not until their half-spun hiatus in 2014.

Friends. That's all they were. What they told themselves every time Nat caught himself pressing his shoulder into Sean's back over a soundboard and found himself distracted enough not to notice that Sean was fumbling for words himself. It would be so easy to wrap his hand around Sean's waist, turn him around, press his hips into the board with Nat's legs and bend him backwards into a filthy (or not-so-filthy) kiss.

But then Sean would find his fingers on a button, sliding it up, managing to hit the playback button, and Nat would be called back to the work before anyone else in the room was the wiser. "Yeah, that's good," Nat would say, voice low and slightly rough. Sean would swallow, nod, and gently press back into Nat's body heat. And that would be that; Nat would pull himself away and turn to look at the producers, get their notes on the sound as well. Knowing that he wasn't really in the head space to finalize a project himself. Even if it did sound good in the moment. Cause really, he thought, anything would've sounded good that close to Sean.

 

They'd touched a lot before, but mostly through short slaps and taps. Occasionally an arm around the shoulder, or a hand-grab/chest-bump when they got really good news about the reviews on their albums.

The longer they sang together, the closer they got, however, and by 2013, they'd worked up so much pent-up tension just from casually hugging each other that Sean would go quiet randomly. Would spend days out of Nat's sight, ignoring his texts and calls, making him wonder if he was alone in his dedication, and if this whole thing was about to be over. Painful months of this occurring, and Nat trying to have his friends take his mind off of his career and Sean in kind. Only to fail miserably.

One night, when having had just a little too much to drink, he'd taken a cab to Sean's apartment, and knocked on the door. "Are we done?" was the first thing he said when Sean opened the door, wiping at his sleepy eyes and blearily looking out at Nat with confusion twisting his face.

"What?" Sean had asked, sloppily moving aside as Nat forced himself passed, through the doorway.

"Just tell me if we are. It'll be worse if you keep putting it off until you hate me, and everything we've done together, so just - tell me. Are we over?"

Sean's chest clenched as he looked around the room for answers, finally remembering to close the door behind him. "I don't know what you're talking about, man. What do - do you want it to be over?"

Nat laughed. It was bitter and surprised. "Do I? I'm not the one who's been pulling away for months and months. Can you just be honest with me? You owe me that much!"

Sean's throat and tongue became thick as he blinked, and then eventually brought his hand to his forehead, clenching his eyes shut. "God. No. Not at all. I'm... I've just been - being an asshole. Holy shit."

Eyebrows raising, Nat sucked in a deep breath, hands going to his hips. "Wait - really? Why?"

Shaking his head, Sean moved closer to Nat, looking up at him. "... _I_ don't fucking know. I'm a dumb ass. I thought you knew that," he said with a wry, self-deprecating smile.

Nat's mouth finally felt like it could do anything but frown, deep lines cutting into his face - gone. It was only a sliver of something, and he still felt a little nauseous from everything, but he - at the very least - believed that Sean was truly surprised by the idea they might break up. As artists. As ... friends. "I do know that. But you were being extra douchey so..."

"I'm sorry. Man, I am _so_ sorry. I had no idea - I was just trying to figure some - personal - stuff out. Can you forgive me? We need to go to couple's counseling? I'll do anything, really." Sean joked. But truly, knowing now what Nat had been thinking for such a long time, he didn't think a simple apology could really mend _everything_. He wasn't that stupid.

Breathing in a much easier breath, Nat's hands fell from his hips, and his shoulders dropped. "No. I'm - I mean, yes. I forgive you." As dumb as it sounded to say aloud. He wasn't even sure Sean needed forgiving. Maybe Nat could've found a different way of approaching Sean while he was going through - whatever - instead of just accepting the neglect. Either way, he wasn't trying to wedge them further apart without reason. "We're cool. I just wish you'd told me sooner that you needed time to think or whatever. You know?"

Scratching his forehead, Sean sighed. "I know. I was an idiot. It won't happen again."

Smiling awkwardly in the dark of Sean's entry way, Nat let slip a soft laugh. One aimed at himself for being so panicked, one also of relief. And a wave of fear underneath because now, more than ever, he felt that maybe his feelings would be undeniable. Heart thumping heavily in his chest, he leaned down to give Sean a hug. He expected it to be quick and loose. But Sean's arms wrapped around his lower back and pulled him in tight. His heart began racing further as he allowed himself to momentarily cling back.

"I'm really sorry..." Sean said again, quietly into Nat's jacket.

 

After that, although Sean didn't always immediately respond to Nat, he _would_ get back to him. Occasionally they'd actually meet for things unrelated to work.

It was difficult for Nat _not_ to think of their dinners out together as dates, for him _not_ to stay the night on Sean's couch when they'd watched a dumb movie together and fallen asleep on each other's shoulders and woken up at 3am in complete darkness. Even though his head was telling him he should keep his distance if he was getting too attached to too many ideas - them hanging out outside of business gradually became then norm.

One such evening occurred where instead of falling onto the Sean's couch after coming home from the restaurant, Sean asked Nat if he wanted to go out onto the balcony. The kind of night had fallen, where everything was a soft hue of blue, and the breeze carried a pleasant chill, rather than being frigid as it sometimes was in Colorado. When Nat agreed, Sean had strolled into his kitchen to grab a couple of glasses and an already-open bottle of wine after waving Nat to go out before him.

There were two wicker chairs and a table on the decently sized rectangle of concrete, but Sean found Nat leaning on the wrought iron fencing, looking out over the lake Sean's apartment viewed. There were soft reflections bouncing off tepid quivers in the water. Sean paused at the doorway to look at Nat, his long hair being picked up in the wind, and smiled softly to himself. "If you want," Sean said, lifting everything up in his hands, and calling Nat's attention as he sat the glasses and wine on the tabletop. Nat just barely nodded his head, looking back momentarily.

Sean stood beside him, then, leaning over with his arms folded across the top of the metal barricade, whilst Nat's hands were positioned far apart, fingers over the edges. The crickets were already chirping, even though the sun had not yet completely set. Sometimes they could be a nuisance, but tonight they were just... background noise. The fresh air was so worth foregoing a movie. Sean sucked in a deep breath, and Nat did the same before turning a mocking smile toward him, eyebrows drawn.

"It's nice out," Sean said, shrugging.

"Yeah," Nat agreed. "It's been a good night overall," he added, despite the smile slipping from his face. He was feeling out the edges of their relationship, just as he had been doing for weeks, if not years. That he was so scared of something made his fear even more of an enemy.

He'd always had to joke his way into dating before, put on a casual air, in case he got rejected. Although he supposed he was lucky that for some reason the people he liked usually liked him back. But for some reason - well, for very sound reasons, his career being one of them, he didn't feel like he had that same freedom with Sean. Tell him, and maybe it wouldn't be okay. Maybe he couldn't just mend his pride and move on to the next person he found attractive and funny. Just forget what his whole life had been these past few years and give into the addictive thought that God, maybe Sean feels _the same way_.

Every night they spent together, the chasm of ache would grow, and Nat would try to hold tighter, all the while losing his grip.

"A great night," Sean amended. "It usually is," he said, softer.

Nat's forehead drew tight, and his hands felt like they were quaking. When he looked down, they were find, however. As they should be. "Do you... uh, think there's been anyone you've wanted to see, recently? I mean, I feel like I've had a monopoly on all your time lately. When I said I thought we were over as a band, I didn't mean you had to - give up everything else." The words tumbled from his mouth before he had a chance to think about the consequences. Damn how pathetic and needy it made him, wanting to hear that Sean _meant_ what he'd just said, and didn't regret spending all his time with Nat instead of going and finding someone to date, for real.

Sean's eyes widened, and he brought his hands out in front of him, meeting together over the railing as he kept himself just balanced enough not to recoil from the question. The idea that he was just being overly repentant as of late.

Was there any world in which it would be okay for him to just blatantly say he'd already been seeing the person he wanted to be with? Plus, it was awfully worrying that Nat didn't think Sean respected him enough not to just tell him he wanted to make other plans, if he had. Anyway, he'd dated; they both had. Nothing serious came up, nothing more serious than their friendship, anyway. Sean was where he'd wanted to be. Mostly. He could easily think of ways to make it better, but...

"Wine?" he asked, pulling himself back just enough to give him more time to think. Nat bit out at his lower lip, but then waved the offer off, as Sean poured himself enough for three sips, which he drank down all at once. He was tempted to sit, but when he realized Nat had turned around to look at him straight on, already a looming force when he was standing, the idea of making himself even smaller sounded like a bad idea.

Fake confidence was better than no confidence, so Sean's chest puffed up as he said, "I ... don't really care about you know, the clubbing lifestyle right now or. Whatever." Meaning dating around, sleeping around, finding strangers to spend his time on, if only for a minute or two. He'd found solace there before, where his actions never meant anything, and neither did his words. Or thoughts. But as soon as he'd accepted that he couldn't hide from certain things, and couldn't hide from Nat, specifically, he decided to give that up. He rarely ever drank the same way, either. Although the itch to run right back in that direction was sickeningly intense in this moment.

"What about you, have I been taking up too much space in your social life?" he asked, wary of the actual question, but more intent upon getting the ball out of his court.

Lips pursed together, Nat looked Sean over, eyes scrutinizing. "No." It was quiet, close to a whisper. His insides were humming and his breath felt like it was caught in blocks within his lungs. His eyes dragged across Sean, up and down again, before he bit his lip again. Some kind of resolve, despite himself, was made, however, by the time he reached Sean's uneasy gaze again. "Don't hate me, okay?"

Sean's face screwed up as he asked, "Huh?"

He barely got his wine glass out from in-between them as Nat's large hands grabbed the sides of his head, and he bowed down to kiss Sean on the lips. Almost too careful to be called a kiss, really. It was a moment that was too long for how short it lasted in reality, and sent Sean reeling into a fit of emotions unbecoming of anyone. Nat seemingly tried to pull away, but Sean's head fiercely told him _fuck that_ and he managed to wrap his one free hand around Nat's neck, before giving him a real, and earnest kiss.

Flushed from head to toe, they both parted by centimeters as Nat whispered, lips swollen, "We're the worst."

"I know," Sean readily agreed, hastily pressing another kiss to Nat's lips as Nat wrestled the wine glass away from Sean's hand, laying it down on the table behind him. "I fucking hate us." Nat couldn't have smiled any wider into the next touch if he'd tried.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so, because I'm a blathering idiot about these two right now, and I have nowhere to put my feelings down, here's my thought dump:
> 
> I started out by _hella_ OT3ing Sean/Nat/Katy Perry because their chemistry with her is fucking wild in the "STARSTRUKK" music video. So that was back in 2009. I'm the kind of person that if I have an OT3, there's probably two people specifically that I am okay with being together on their own, and so ofc that would be Sean/Nat, cause I don't even _like_ Katy Perry (as a person, most of her music is worth listening to at least once), and they're the ones who actually spend time together. But I think for the most part I didn't see through the lyrics they sang to how much I was _really_ okay with them being together. I shipped them, but it wasn't much more than flight of fancy as a residual effect of being a shipper + having a legitimate ship in which they were involved. Come around to 2017 when I finally discovered their album from 2015/6, and their music videos. And holyyyyyy shit I'm dying. [This is pretty much my favorite thing everrrrr.](https://youtu.be/fY3SK1_yT88?t=2m28s) I'm so in love with them it kills me inside. Anyway, sorry/not sorry for this garbage fic.
> 
> Also insert scene of really sweet and intense love-making (albeit uncomfortable because concrete) on Sean's rooftop, and then queue falling asleep until the sunset kbye.


End file.
